Who's in Control?

Lessons from the Edge

Beauty is in the eye of the beholder.

OK, it isn't a 'new' lesson.
I've heard that statement before.
But this week, I saw the truth of it in action.

Tuesday we had a musical guest come in to sing for the residents. While I stayed around for the performance, and tried to be up-beat and help the residents have a good time, I must admit - this man's music was not among my favorites.
I mean, it was nice. He did a good job. But there wasn't a lot of variety, and his style just isn't in line with my taste in music. (Was that a kind-enough negative review? *wink*)
Anyway, after the show was over I saw one of the residents walk up to the musician and say something to him. Then he packed up his equipment and I bid him farewell.
I was passing by that resident and asked if she enjoyed the show.
She got a big smile on her face and said, "Oh, yes! He sings just like my husband used to sing to me! I told him so. Is he going to come back here sometime?"
I assured this dear woman, I would be inviting him back to sing for us. And when he's on the schedule again I will be sure she knows it, so she can come and listen some more.
Because - although his style of music may not be my cup of tea - it brought back beautiful memories for a precious lady.

Indeed, beauty is in the eye of the beholder. (Or, ear, as the case may be!)

All's Well

"Hope all's well with the fam!"

That was the closing line in an email I received last week from my little brother. He's almost 32 years old, but I still like to call him that. *grin*
After I picked my jaw up off the floor (Because he never sends me email, and this was the second message I'd received in as many days!) I pondered how to respond to his last statement.

* I could tell David about the way my boys wiggle and squirm through our family prayer time, and how I wonder sometimes if they're listening. Or if anything is getting through to them.
But God has reminded me that it's my job to be faithful. HE's the One who will speak to their hearts.

* I could mention that I had to pick Matthew up from school because he'd gotten into a fight with another boy. Could detail the tears and denials which followed, and my concern that he isn't learning responsibility.
Yet as I was praying about that situation, God reminded me of HIS patience - and HIS ability to use every circumstance for HIS purposes.

* Or, I could bemoan the fact that it's still hard trying to balance work and family responsibilities. That some days I still want to through my hands up in the air and say, "I QUIT!"
But God graciously brings me back to the assurance that He's got my back. He is in the midst of my struggle, and He is going to bring me through it.

So as I pondered what to say - in light of God's grace toward me - I realized there really was only one thing to be said.

Because God is good, all IS well!

I Wasn't Expecting That

I love, absolutely LOVE, when God works outside my expectations.

I teach Sunday school during the first service at my church. And sometimes I find myself in another classroom between services - standing in as the 'adult in charge' until another adult can be found to serve during the second service.
Recently when this happened I was standing in the doorway, where I could see a video monitor of what was happening in the auditorium. Singing had begun and - while I couldn't hear it - I could read the words on the screen, and I longed to be in the auditorium. I wanted to be in there with my brothers and sisters in Christ, and I wanted to be singing with them.
And for a moment, I began to get irritated.
I know. Nice attitude for a Sunday morning.
I started to wonder why more people don't volunteer to help with the kids. I had already spent the first service , well - serving. Now I just wanted to be in the auditorium participating in worship.

That's when it started.

When God started speaking to my heart.

HE reminded me that worship is about so much more than singing. I remembered everything can be worship when I do it for HIM - the serving I do during the first service, and even the 'standing in' I do between services.
OK, God, I get that. I will worship You as I serve, and as I stand in. But, (as I continued to watch the TV monitor) I really want to be in THERE. I want to raise my hands and sing Your praise! I don't want to miss this opportunity to worship You with my voice.

At that moment, in spite of how noisy the kids in the room were being, I couldn't deny the way I heard God speaking to my heart. My dear Karen. I love this longing in your heart. I love that you want to get in there and lift your voice to Me. I love it. I do.
Now I'll let you in on a little secret.
I knew this delay was going to happen today. I knew you would be 'stuck' in this classroom past the start time for the second service. I knew you would want desperately to get into the auditorium so you could sing, too. I knew you would feel like crying at the thought of missing it.
I knew all this was going to happen.
And I allowed it to happen.
Because I love it when there is a longing in your heart to worship Me. I love it when you are desperate to get into My presence. And I want to develop that longing in you. It makes you even more beautiful to Me.
Fear not, dear one. Here comes your replacement.
And, sure enough, in that moment someone came and shooed me off to the auditorium.

I was not expecting God to speak to me during my delay, and in spite of my little attitude issue. But HE is not limited to what we expect, is HE!

How has God worked in your unexpected moments?

Confessions of an Indirect Communicator

I love my husband.
I think he's wonderful.

But there is this one thing he does which really drives me nuts.

He says things like, "We should organize the utility room."
Or, "Someone needs to clean up the yard."
Or even, "Avocados have lots of health benefits."

I tend to follow up those statements with questions like, "What part of 'we' is 'me'?"
And, "Are you expecting a volunteer?"
And of course, "Are you saying you'd like me to use them in my cooking?"

Call me crazy, but I think a person should say what they mean. I work hard enough trying to keep it together around here - I don't think I should have to put forth more effort trying to understand indirect communication.
Oh, how easy it is to start feeling self-righteous about trivial things!

Sooooooo, that little piece of background leads to my confession.

The other morning I wanted to remind Joshua to unload the dishwasher before he went to school. The boy doesn't need to be reminded to charge his cell phone every night, or check his Facebook page, or get a snack after school and before bed - but somehow that dishwasher has a habit of getting away from him.
So, anyway, as I was saying. I wanted to make sure Joshua unloaded the dishwasher. But I knew if I simply reminded him, he would call me annoying and say, "I know, Mom!" So instead, I said, "Joshua, when you have unloaded the dishwasher, will you make sure to put your initials on the chart?" He agreed politely, and I was amused by my clever way of communicating. I had achieved my goal of reminding Joshua to unload the dishwasher - without nagging or coming across as annoying.
But just as I was about to pat myself on the back for being such an indirect innovative communicator, I realized something.
That thing I just did?
Drives me nuts!
*sigh*

Adam Raccoon at Forever Falls

Lessons from the Edge

Sometimes God is a Show-Off!

Seriously.

I am very aware that God is involved in every detail. And I am so thankful. I have come to expect Him to show up and show Himself faithful. But sometimes He kicks it up a notch, and I find myself looking heaven-ward and winking as I say, "Show-Off!"
Like I did this week.
I needed to finish the March calendar, but was having trouble connecting with a couple people. I needed to book two musical guests, and was beginning to lose hope. (Silly me!) So, as I went into work Tuesday morning I was praying, God, I know You know what I need. Please bring it together for me!
What I meant by those words was, God, can You let me get through to those people today?
'Course, HE knew better.

I am not kidding when I tell you I received a phone call that morning from a man who was asking me if he could come play for the residents sometime in March. The date he suggested was busy, so I offered another option. He had to check with another person to work it out, and said he'd call back. Hopefully within a day or two.
He called back about ten minutes later. The date worked!
Thanks, God.

That afternoon I received a phone call from the man who was supposed to be playing for us in five minutes, saying he wasn't going to make it.
Uh, really???
A little quick thinking, and a lot of the grace of God, and we managed the afternoon just fine. Rootbeer floats, time for visiting, and some impromptu singing, and we all had a delightful time.
And that guy who couldn't make it? Rescheduled the next day for my remaining March date.
I won't go into all the reasons why this thing that didn't work out has been a display of God's sovereignty and attention to details. Just trust me when I say, our God is the most wonderful, perfect, faithful, gracious Show-Off I know!

And I'm so glad He gave me eyes to see His show this week at the Edge.

Back in Time

So, I've told you about my heartache over Joshua not wanting songs at bedtime. Well, the other night - after Joshua didn't want me to sing to him, and I remembered he's getting older and this is to be expected - Matthew attempted to take me back in time. He asked me about a particular book I used to read to him, and begged me to go downstairs to see if we still had it. While I was pretty sure I'd gotten rid of it long ago, I went to look anyway. Secretly hoping I would find it on the bookshelf.
"It" is Adam Raccoon at Forever Falls, by Glen Keane. Adam Raccoon books are parables for kids, and they are absolutely delightful. If you still have young children at home, I highly recommend these books! (Actually, I'm thinking of re-building a collection for my future grandchildren.)
Sadly, I did not find Adam on the bookshelf. BUT I surprised us all by reciting the beginning of the story word-for-word. (What can I say? I read that book A LOT.)
Part of me wants to keep trying - to see if the whole story is still up there in my memory somewhere. So if Matthew tries to take me back in time again, I'll be able to "read" it to him.
Hey, it can't hurt to be prepared! *wink*

Meaningless?

Whoa! I just finished reading Ecclesiastes, and I'm afraid spending too much time in that book might force a person into a severe case of depression.
Meaningless! Meaningless! Everything is meaningless!
I mean, I sometimes have days when I feel that way, but the author of Ecclesiastes spent an awful lot of time pondering this stuff!
*yikes*
Even so, sprinkled in the pages here and there I found segments of hope. Like this one:

Then I realized it is good and proper for a man to eat and drink, and to find satisfaction in his toilsome labor under the sun during the few days of life God has given him - for this is his lot. Moreover, when God gives any man wealth and possessions and enables him to enjoy them, to accept his lot and be happy in his work - this is a gift of God. He seldom reflects on the days of his life, because God keeps him occupied with gladness of heart.
Ecclesiastes 5:18-20

I enjoyed reflecting on those words. God keeps him occupied with gladness of heart.
I thought, I don't really care who gets whatever I leave behind. It doesn't matter if I accumulate wealth, or if I have nothing to my name. God has put me in a place and brought people into my life according to His perfect plan. I am HIS instrument, to be used for HIS kingdom purposes. I have the joy of knowing my Savior! And to be used by Him!
It occurred to me that God is, indeed, keeping me occupied with gladness of heart. And because of what HE has done, I must respectfully disagree with Mr. Ecclesiastes.
I see none of this as meaningless.

As long as I am surrendered to my God!

Because...Well...Just Because!

So, the other night I was lecturing talking to Matthew about cutting his meat into bite-sized pieces. He has a habit of stabbing his entire piece of meat with his fork and bringing the whole thing to his mouth. It drives me nuts.
I told him he needed to cut the meat into smaller pieces, and when he asked why, I informed him eating it 'his way' was rude.
He asked why, again.
And I was stumped.
Because I said so?
Because my mom said so?
Because Miss Manners said so?

I finally landed on, "Because...Well...Just because!"

What would you have said???

P.S. Thanks so much for your prayers and encouraging words regarding my special weekend with Elizabeth. We had a delightful time!
And, would you believe - we finished it off by going to the pet store so she could get a new rat???
Because...well...just because. (Or maybe because I'm a softy. *wink*)

Psalm 27:4

Lessons from the Edge

Doing my job is NOT the reason I'm here.

I have been at Edgewood for just over six months now. While I'm still learning, I feel more confident that I can manage my duties.
* I'm getting a handle on Pizza Nights and Birthday Parties.
* I've established a pretty good system for sign-up sheets.
* The calendar and newsletters are not as overwhelming anymore.
Yes, I believe I'm understanding my job better these days.

However, every day at Edgewood there are things which happen that were not on the schedule - not on my list of things 'to do'. Conversations with residents; opportunities to help someone find their keys, or check their mail; prayers to pray with co-workers and residents; even moments to laugh and give a hug. And I have come to realize it is those moments - those things which were not on the schedule - that are the reason I'm at Edgewood.
It is during these unplanned moments I have beautiful opportunities to be the hands and feet of Jesus. And that's what drives me. Yes - the tasks need to get done, and I want to do my job to the glory of God. But I know my reason is to be Jesus to each person I encounter.

How about you? What's your job? What about your reason???

Party Time!

So, I told you Monday that Elizabeth has a boyfriend. She's talking more and more about college, and her dreams about growing up. She's bigger than me, and beautiful, and when I look at her I know I cannot deny - my baby girl isn't a baby anymore.
She is becoming a young woman.

And rather than trying to deny it, we're going to celebrate it!

We have a special weekend ahead of us, and I am excited.
Friday night, Elizabeth and I are going to leave the men at home, and we're going out to have some fun. We'll start with dinner and a movie. Then we're going to a hotel - with a pool - to spend the night.
Saturday we're going to get our nails done. (I have never had a manicure before, and I can't wait! Er, I mean, I had no selfish motives here. Only thinking about my girl! *wink*) And then comes the real celebration.
We're having lunch with a group of women who are significant in Elizabeth's life. After we eat, each of the women is going to have a few minutes to speak to Elizabeth - to share a blessing, or words of encouragement - as we welcome her into the next phase of her life, that of a young woman.

My hope is this event will set the tone for the rest of Elizabeth's days. That she will grow in her understanding that she is a beloved child of God, surrounded by people who love her and who will encourage her in godliness.
(And I hope I can get through my sharing time without too many tears. *sniff*)

HE Provides

Anyone else working on taxes these days?
Brian and I spent time on ours last weekend. (Oh, yeah. We know how to plan an exciting weekend! *wink*) And as the number-crunching came to a close I found myself face-to-face with another example of God's perfect provision.

I had entered all the income and expense information for my speaking and book sales, and when I hit the final 'Done' button and Turbo Tax made its last calculations, the report was that I 'made' a couple hundred dollars in 2010.
Ever since I began speaking and writing I have always said - I'm not in this for money. I don't want to charge big fees. I want to share my story, and the things God is teaching me. That's what it's all about!
Yet every year at tax time - when I see in numbers how the previous year went - I am tempted to link my worth to a number. And when I consider an average income of less than $20 a month, I tend to rate that 'worth' on the lower end of worthiness.

This year, however, something different happened.

I had gathered all my papers and forms together, and was taking them downstairs to put them away in the office. As I knelt down on the floor to stow my folders I realized a beautiful thing. God provided perfectly for me the amount of money I needed to cover the expenses I accrued in 2010.
The number I just saw on Turbo Tax was not an evaluation of my worth. Rather, it was a testimony to God's faithfulness. His perfect provision.
It was another moment in which I felt God was telling me, Trust Me, Karen. I will provide for you just what you need. You can count on it.
And because I was already on my knees putting my folders away, I stayed there a little longer so I could pray and give thanks to God.
Because HE is good.
Because HE is faithful.
Because HE provides!

Not the Days, Just Some of the Moments

If you have spent any amount of time with me (in person, or via a book) you probably know I am NOT a fan of the statement, "You're gonna miss these days!"
When my children were younger, and I was weary - of the clinging, or the crying, or the questions, or the (fill in the blank) - I was never encouraged by that statement. I was only convinced that memory loss is a sure part of aging. Because, clearly, the women who spoke those words to me didn't really remember what these days are like!

Well, I'm starting to understand what those women meant when they uttered that statement.

Sometimes I go into Joshua's room to say goodnight, and he has his radio on. Ever since he was a little baby, I have been singing to him at bedtime. But I can't sing 'over' the radio. So I ask Joshua (just like I have every night for the past thirteen years), "Do you want a song tonight?" as I move to turn off the radio.
And sometimes he says, "No. I just want to go to sleep." So I give him a kiss, say "Goodnight," and walk out of his room. *sniff* And I think, Gee. It used to be important to him that I sing. He used to not be able to go to sleep if I didn't sing. He used to ask for TWO songs! I used to matter. *sniff, sniff*

And for a moment I think, I'm starting to miss those days.

But then I have occasions when I see my friends with younger children, and they're dealing with irrational tantrums and crying fits. I see my friends trying to understand their child - who doesn't even understand himself - and I pray that God will grant them wisdom and grace for their son.
And I smile as I think to myself, No. I don't really miss those days. Just some of the moments!

Valentine Message

Lessons from the Edge

Nothing is random.

I've mentioned the Resident of the Week thing I'm doing at Edgewood before - that I interview and feature one resident each week. Well, this past week God showed me that even my silly ideas and 'chance' habits can be used by Him.
I came into work one day and was sad to learn one of our residents had passed away during the night. Later that morning her daughters came to the Activity Room to return some books they'd found in her apartment. I told them I was sorry to hear of their mother's death, and mentioned how much I enjoyed getting to know her a few weeks earlier when she was Resident of the Week.
They told me their mother had mentioned the Resident of the Week interview to them, and asked me more about it. So I showed them what I do - the write-up and picture I post on my bulletin board - and they asked if they could have a copy of their mother's interview to display at the funeral home.
It delighted my heart to share these items for B's memory, and I was glad to get them for her daughters. Only, I wasn't sure how easy it would be to retrieve. Because I don't necessarily save the write-ups. I have a few files on my disk and randomly type over them each week. But, wouldn't you know it - when I looked for B's story, I found it! Guess there was a reason I didn't 'randomly' type over hers.

When I gave B's story and picture to her daughters, I took a chance and told them of God's goodness in preserving the write-up. Found out they are believers, and they shared with me their confidence in B's salvation. We prayed together, and gave God glory.
Later that day I 'happened' to be talking with the aid who had found B that morning, and told her about my interaction with B's daughters. The aid then shared a beautiful story with me - which I was able to pass on to the daughters the next day. Because it 'happened' to be my Saturday to work, so I saw B's daughters as they were cleaning her apartment.

I marvel at all the 'random' occurrences which have surrounded B's transition to heaven, and I cannot help but praise and thank God for His attention to the details - and His involvement in every one of them.

Now, more than ever, I am convinced, Nothing is random.

Encouragement for Today

Got this in an email recently. I've seen it before and you probably have, too. But every time I read it, God encourages my heart. May HE speak to yours today!

The next time you feel like GOD can't use YOU, just remember...
Noah was a drunk
Abraham was too old
Isaac was a daydreamer
Jacob was a liar
Leah was ugly
Joseph was abused
Moses had a stuttering problem
Gideon was afraid
Sampson had long hair and was a womanizer
Rahab was a prostitute
Jeremiah and Timothy were too young
David had an affair and was a murderer
Elijah was suicidal
Isaiah preached naked
Jonah ran from God
Naomi was a widow
Job went bankrupt
John the Baptist ate bugs
Peter denied Christ
The Disciples fell asleep while praying
Martha worried about everything
The Samaritan woman was divorced, more than once
Zaccheus was too small
Paul was too religious
Timothy had an ulcer...
AND Lazarus was dead!

No more excuses now!! God can use you to your full potential. Besides you aren't the message, you are just the messenger.

Perfect Timing

Though an army besiege me,
my heart will not fear;
though war break out against me,
even then will I be confident.

Psalm 27:3

This verse from Psalm 27 is the one which I am currently memorizing, and on which I am meditating for the next week. And last week, as I began to learn these words, I was impressed by God's perfect timing.

I always try to understand how a particular verse intersects with my life - to make it personal. But as I considered the words of Psalm 27:3 I thought, Really. When is the last time an army has besieged me? When have I been cut off from the things I need? Almost as quickly as that thought came into my head, it was as if God whispered the answer to me. Dear one, remember last Thursday?
And I did.
Thursdays are my day off at Edgewood, and I always look forward to spending time ALONE - no one asking me to do anything for them; no one needing me, wanting me, or having any pull on me. (I love, love, LOVE people. Love to be an instrument of God's grace to them. However, I have learned that I NEED time alone - as much as I need air to breathe.) But the previous Thursday Matthew had stayed home from school with a sore throat. He was needy all day. So I didn't get that day 'off' I'd been anticipating. And it put me in a tailspin. Yes, LORD, I guess I was feeling besieged that day.
Though an army besiege you, you will not fear. Remember these words, darling.

It didn't take long for me to understand what was going on. I got the call from school - Thursday was to be another snow day for the kids. On my day 'off', the whole army was going to be home! So all day last Wednesday I was repeating those words to myself, asking God to be my Strength.

And He was.

I May Not Be a Bible Scholar...

...but I'm pretty sure about this:

I believe I have learned something about the son Solomon was addressing when he wrote Proverbs.

In my read-thru-the-Bible-in-a-year journey, I am currently in the book of Proverbs. And each day as I read Solomon's pleas that his son would listen to instruction, seek wisdom, flee from immorality, and on and on - I find myself praying earnestly that my children would heed this advice, as well. I want to sit down with them and read Proverbs until I see they 'get it'.
I hear such passion as I read Solomon's words. The proverbs don't come just from common sense. He's speaking from his heart. Sounds like someone who has 'been there' and wants his son to benefit from what he, himself, has learned. As in, Son, I'm begging you. Listen to me. Learn from me. Seek wisdom! It is for your good, not simply to spoil your fun.

And because of the emphatic nature of Solomon's words, I have come to this conclusion about his son: Solomon's son must have been a teenager when these words were penned.

*wink*

I Surrender

Lessons from the Edge

'Wonderful' can be simple.

Last week we had a Hawaiian Luau at Edgewood. It's a yearly event to which the residents look forward, but it was a new thing for me.
And I was responsible for the whole thing.

*gulp*

For other events I have come across very detailed plans which outlined exactly what I needed to do. And that was comfortable for me. I like following formulas.
But, try as I might, I couldn't find anything to help me with the luau. My manager gave me a couple suggestions, but I really felt like I was on my own for this one. And I didn't want to disappoint the residents.
I looked for ideas online, and found things that seemed either too juvenile or way too elaborate. After talking it over with another co-worker (and coming to terms with my budget!) I decided our luau was going to be simple, and I hoped that would be OK.

OK?

We.had.a.blast!

Last year someone bought a bunch of leis, which we put on each person as they came into the dining room - as we said, "Aloha!" Then everyone found a seat and we served refreshments while they visited with one another.
Many people had dressed up in Hawaiian shirts, or at least wore bright colors. And I had bought lots of flowers and some pretty plates and cups at the Dollar Store, so the dining room looked festive. But it was really very simple.
And everyone seemed to be enjoying themselves.
Then came the big moment. (Which I had been 'playing up' as I made announcements regarding the luau. *grin*) My co-worker and I did our own rendition of the Hukilau. Twice. And, oh, did the residents love that! (Another co-worker captured us on her phone, but there is NO WAY I'm going to post it here for you to laugh at your viewing pleasure. *wink*)
After our little hula dance, people stayed a visited for a short while and then the party was over. Simple as that.

But as they left, one person after another told me how much they enjoyed the luau.
"This was wonderful!"
"Thank you. I had a great time!"
*Big Smile*
And I wondered, Why was I concerned that this thing wouldn't be fancy enough for them? Why was I afraid they wouldn't like it?
(Ever had thoughts like those, yourself?)
Because as I said, "Aloha!" to the departing guests, it was clear to me that everyone had fun. And I became convinced, 'Wonderful' can be simple.

Help Me, God

Last week Matthew came home from school with information about a mentoring/tutoring program. Twice a week, for one hour each afternoon, students from the high school will be coming over to spend time with the younger kids - helping with homework, and just spending time with them.
Matthew's teacher had recommended this program as something which would be good for him. And as I read about the opportunity, I agreed. School is a struggle for Matthew and the thought of a 'cool' teenager coming along side of him to help seemed great to me. (I remember looking up to the older kids in school!)
But Matthew seemed hesitant. A little embarrassed, I guess.
So I told him it's OK to need help. And when you need help, it's a really good idea to get it!
Such wisdom, yes?
But I began to have a problem with it.
As in, I realized how much I need help, and how resistant I can be to accepting it.
While I was encouraging Matthew in his participation in this tutoring thing, I began feeling bad about myself. If I was good enough, Matthew wouldn't need a tutor. And suddenly I thought this program was a reflection of me being 'not good enough'.
In another realm, we're in the process of trying to get a grip on my good day/bad day cycle. On my good days, I can hardly understand why there's a problem. But on my bad days, I cannot deny the fact that I need help. Even so, there is a part of me that wants to figure out and overcome the problem by myself. In my own strength. (Seeing that statement in writing helps me recognize it's foolishness.)

So, there it is. Out in the open. I.need.help. I can't do it on my own.
And that's OK.
But, where does my help come from?
Though it may come in the form of a teenager, or a doctor, or a good friend, I know my help comes from God, alone. And it is in HIM that I will trust.

I'll Take the 1984 Version, Please

***Note: You need to read this with a tongue-in-cheek tone.***

Do you know anyone (usually of the more 'senior' persuasion) who thinks the only REAL Word of God comes in the King James Version of the Bible?
I have met those folks on more than one occasion, and have tended to shrug off their comments. Essentially, I have just considered them 'set in their ways', and have actually felt a little sorry for them - 'cuz I think the KJV is so hard to understand. But secretly, I have been thankful that I am not as set in my ways as those folks.
Nosiree.
I know the Word of God is the Word of God whether it's filled with 'thou' and 'shalt' OR 'you' and 'shall'.

'Course I preferred my NIV, but I wasn't about to hold it higher than any other version.

And then something weird happened.

I was using Biblegateway to print off Psalm 139 to do a study with the residents at Edgewood. And right away I noticed something was wrong.
In verse one, "O" was missing and "LORD" was in the wrong place. And the same thing happened in verse four. A couple words were different in verse 5, and "O" was missing from verse 17, as well.

After a little investigating, I discovered what happened. In 2010 - as I was memorizing Psalm 139 - someone else was creating a new copyright of the New International Version of the Bible. While they didn't REALLY change anything, some things are different (as cited above), and now I fear I may be starting to fall into the 'set in my ways' camp. Whenever I read the 2010 version and I notice a difference, I think, Wait a minute. This isn't right!
OK, I know that isn't true, but the only Bible I've had since I became a believer 21 years ago is the NIV, copyright 1984. That's the version I've been memorizing, and now someone is changing it on me. Not nice.

Oh, dear.

I thought I might be able to get over it, but I just checked on something.
Second Corinthians 5:17 is my life verse and it goes like this: Therefore, if anyone is in Christ, he is a new creation; the old has gone, the new has come! I have had that verse hidden in my heart for over 20 years. Yes - it is SET there.
But in the NIV, copyright 2010, MY verse reads, Therefore, if anyone is in Christ, the new creation has come: the old has gone, the new is here!

That's it!

You can't go changing the wording of MY verse.

No further questions necessary. The NIV, copyright 1984 is the only version for me!

*wink*

Nah. I Don't Think So.

I received this message in an email recently. The subject line said, This is you.

STRONG PERSON

A strong person knows how to keep their life in order. Even with tears in their eyes, they still manage to say "I'm ok" with a smile. Even when they're tired of being a strong person, they keep putting one foot in front of the other.

Seriously. I almost started laughing when I read that description of...Me???
This was one of those emails you're supposed to forward on to a hundred people within the next 30 seconds so you can find out how many friends you have. I know it wasn't written specifically for me. But I still couldn't get over how far off it was in describing me.

Then I came across this verse - which I think is so much more accurate.

Yet I am poor and needy; come quickly to me, O God. You are my help and my deliverer; O LORD, do not delay.
Psalm 70:5

Me? A 'strong person'?
Nah. I don't think so.
I am poor and needy.
The LORD is my Strength!

My Foot is Slipping

Lessons From the Edge

I don't need to be on stage in order to serve God.

Last weekend was wonderful.
Simply wonderful.
I loved the opportunity to speak, and share my story with other women. But - honestly - my favorite part of each event was at the end, when women came forward to receive prayer. The only way it could have been better is if I was able to personally pray with each one. As it is, I was on stage singing - and praying from a distance.
Even though I was at a distance, my heart was delighted to see women drawing close to God.

When Monday morning came and I was walking into work, I was thinking about what had taken place over the weekend. I prayed, God, thank You, thank You for allowing me to be a part of Your work. Thank You for the opportunity to be used by You in the lives of those women.
I thought about how much I want to do more events like those. Seriously. My heart was (and still is!) longing to do that again, and again.

And then, almost as quickly as that thought came into my mind, God brought me another. He caused me to think about the men and women I was about to see when I walked through the front door at Edgewood. He reminded me they need to experience His love just as much as every woman does who comes to an event where I'm speaking. And while God is able to put me on a stage whenever He wants to, He reminded me that four days a week He already has plans for me at Edgewood Retirement Center.
Perhaps on a couch in the atrium.
Sometimes in the hallway outside someone's apartment.
Often in the Activity Room.
Frequently in the dining room.
But not on stage.

Over the course of this week God has presented me with several opportunities to serve Him at the Edge. I've prayed - with co-workers and residents. I've spoken of His love. I have been His hands and feet. And this is all for HIS glory - not mine!
And through it all, He has reminded me - though the stage is great, and HE does great work when I'm there - I don't need to be on stage in order to serve God.

How 'bout you? Are you recognizing that HE can use you in 'ordinary' circumstances, too?

Honesty is the Best Policy

I try to get my children to tell the truth. Really. I do. But sometimes it seems like I'm getting nowhere. Fast.

Last week after the laundry was finished, Joshua was having a fit. He was absolutely certain he had put two new shirts in the wash, but now they were nowhere to be found.
We looked under beds, behind doors, through everyone else's folded laundry.
The shirts were nowhere.
I was baffled. And Joshua was HOT.

Finally, I had an urge to go look in Matthew's closet. I walked into his room (He was laying in bed. He'd been there for the ten or so minutes the rest of us had been tearing the house apart while looking for the shirts.) opened his closet door, and saw it. Sitting there in the closet was a basket of unfolded laundry. The basket which contained both of Joshua's shirts.
I looked a Matthew and asked, "Did you know this was in here?" (Dumb question, I know.) "Did you know we've been looking for these clothes?" (Yeah. OK. I was full of brilliant questions.) He said nothing. And I just grabbed the basket and walked out.
Joshua was happy, but I was even more baffled.
Did Matthew think he was being funny?
Was he trying to cover up the fact that he hadn't folded laundry, even though he said he did?
Why didn't I look in his closet sooner???

Matthew and I had a conversation about honesty the next day. Not sure how impactful it was. Not sure it solved the problem. But I do know this:
The next time I can't find a basket of laundry, I'm looking in Matthew's closet FIRST. *wink*

Speaking to My Heart

Last week during our family devotion time, Brian read from John 5 - the testimonies about Jesus. After he finished reading, Brian asked us what we thought about this story. I considered Jesus - discussing the various testimonies about Himself, and the people who didn't believe. And I thought, How discouraging would that be???
Then God used my wonderful husband to speak right to my heart.
Brian said, "I don't think Jesus worried about the results. He trusted God and was faithful in the process."
Hello??!!
There I was, watching my wiggly son doing hand-stands as we 'listened' - wondering if any of this message was getting through to his head OR his heart. And then as Brian spoke, it was as if God were saying to me, Karen, don't worry about the results. Don't worry about how your children are going to turn out. That's My deal. I'll take care of it. You need only to trust Me. And be faithful in the process. You do your part. I'll do MINE.

Hmmmm. Is HE speaking to anyone else's heart with these words today?

A Billboard Will Do

So, shortly after Ronel and I recorded yesterday's video, it was time to get me to the San Diego airport. I was flying to Sacramento Saturday afternoon so I could speak in Fair Oaks that evening.
As we got onto the highway we saw lots of cars, and realized the highway was closed ahead. Too late to do anything about it, we had to go through very slow traffic. Ronel knew just the route we could take to get to the airport once we made it off the highway, but it was going to take a while to get to the exit.

No need to worry, right?

God could handle the delay.

It wasn't a surprise to HIM.

Even so, I kept looking at the clock - re-figuring how many minutes I had to spare to make it on time. (Ever since I missed a flight out of Tampa, I have been very intentional about being early to an airport.) I knew God was in control. But I couldn't help thinking, What if I miss this flight? There's no other way I'll make it to Sacramento on time tonight!
I wanted to be calm. Wanted to trust. So I prayed.
Frequently.
And as I sat in the car, surrounded by slow traffic, praying - God, I know You can do this. Please get me to the airport on time, I looked out the window and saw a billboard for an inn down the road.
Know what it was called?
Relax Inn.
Yes. Right out my window in all CAPS I saw RELAX on a billboard. Then I heard in my mind the words Ronel had just spoken in the video we recorded, "He's got this." And I knew God was speaking to me. So I told Him, Yes, LORD. I understand. You've got this. And I need to RELAX.

Sometimes I have been known to ask God to show me a neon sign. But Saturday I found myself thinking, A billboard will do, God. Thanks!

Oh, and I did make it to the airport on time. With a huge smile on my face, and joy in my heart for the way God had just shown Himself to me. *grin*

A Moment with Ronel

Had a great time in California last weekend!
And today I am glad to welcome Ronel Sidney to share some thoughts with you about trusting God.

Skipping Class - To Ask for Prayer

There will be no 'Lesson from the Edge' today. Go ahead and close your books - we're skipping class.

Because...

I am on my way to a couple of special events and I would like to take this time to ask for your prayers. Tonight I will be speaking for a group of moms in San Diego, and Saturday I'll be speaking again in Fair Oaks. At both of these events, I will be presenting the gospel and inviting women to come forward for prayer. I have been on my knees for the women who will be attending - asking God to prepare their hearts, and to speak through me.
It blesses me to know HE already knows. Everything. God knows who will be at each of these events. He knows their names, their hearts, their hurts, their needs. He knows what they need to hear, and I trust He's going to speak.
Will you please join me in praying for HIS will to be done? And that HE would thwart all the plans our enemy has - which he will certainly try to enact to keep women from coming and hearing. We have victory in JESUS, and I am excited to be God's instrument of grace and hope to these women this weekend. Thank you for praying!

The FUN part of this weekend is that I get to meet three - yes, THREE - blog friends! Ronel is the coordinator for the San Diego event, and I'll be spending the night at her house tonight. And KM and Stephanie are coming to San Diego hear me speak. It's going to be a blast!

I Don't 'Text'

I have had a cell phone for years, but it wasn't until several months ago that I had the ability to do text messaging. I mean, on my old phone I could receive texts, but I didn't know how to reply. And texting wasn't even part of my calling plan, so I didn't care.
But when I got a new phone I chose one with the slider thing-y, so I have a full keyboard. And we have 'unlimited' texting on our new plan, so now I'm having fun sending text messages.

Only, the other day I realized - I don't 'text'.

Brian was sending a message to a friend, and I was watching. I saw things like "im" and "ur". And there were no punctuation marks.
When I send messages, I use appropriate capitalization and punctuation. Partly because I don't know all the texting short-cuts. Partly because I can't break old habits. And I suppose it's also because I'm afraid of contributing to the re-writing of the American language.
Seriously, how far are we from replacing "your" with "ur" and "be" with "b" in the dictionary?
Who am I kidding?
No one uses the dictionary anymore, anyway.
OK. Getting off my soapbox. *grin*

I teased Brian about his new use of the language. He laughed at my attempts to be 'with it' while refusing to fully assimilate. (That was for you, Leah!) And the next time I picked up my phone to send a message, he asked, "Oh, are you texting? I mean emailing with your phone?"

*Wise guy*

Moments Like This

I have good moments.
When the kids and I are getting along nicely. When everyone is doing what they should. We're having fun and no one is 'annoying' anyone else.
I like those moments. It's fun being a mom in moments like those.

And then there are moments like this.
When I tell Joshua he isn't allowed to shoot his air-soft gun in the house. (Not a new rule!) He says it's a stupid rule, and I say it's a rule whether he thinks it's stupid, or not. He carries on a bit more, then says I'm annoying.
I remain calm, though inside I'm thinking, I'm annoying? Son, look in the mirror! And I walk out of his room.
I wonder how much of this I should take from him. How much is normal teenage-push-mom-away-gotta-separate-myself-from-her kind of stuff? And how much is blatant disrespect which I need to not tolerate? I just don't know where that line is, and in moments like this I want to throw my hands up in the air and say, I quit!
But in moments like this, I also remember the words of a dear woman at Edgewood (93 years old) who told me one day - with tears in her eyes - the greatest thing her son ever said to her is, "Mom, thanks for never giving up on me." And I hold onto hope that one day I'll hear those same words.

I hold onto HOPE, trusting HIM to give me the strength to not give up in moments like this.

May the God of hope fill you with all joy and peace as you trust in him, so that you may overflow with hope by the power of the Holy Spirit. ~ Romans 15:13

New Year Reflections

OK. So most bloggers have written their New Year Reflections posts already.
Yes, I realize January is more than half over.
Hey, I've never claimed to be on the leading edge of 'with it'. (I do wear Mom Jeans you know. *wink*)
But, alas, here I am. Sharing my New Year Reflections with you.
I sat on January first with God and my journal, and remembered the year gone by. I remembered His presence through the past twelve months, and marveled at how much happened - which I could never have predicted; which I didn't understand; but with which I knew I could trust Him.
And I finished my reflection with this:

LORD, I have no idea what's going to happen in 2011. No idea regarding work, family, speaking, or writing. I just don't know.
But I know YOU do.
And I am surrendering to Your good and perfect will, LORD. I trust You to take me where You want me to go; to open and close doors as You know is best; to show me what you want me to see and to make me who You want me to be.
I am Yours, LORD, completely Yours.
Trusting, obeying, surrendering to YOU.

And that's when I realized God had given me a new word for 2011. In 2009 the theme for my life seemed to be TRUST. In 2010 it was OBEY. And as I looked at what I'd just written I became convinced this is to be the year of SURRENDER for me.
Knowing I can TRUST God to do what is best, choosing to OBEY His plan and not make my own, I willingly SURRENDER to His good and perfect will.

Hmmmm. If I were a betting girl, I'd say the next word is going to be PEACE. Seems the logical progression, don't you think?

Finding Joy

Lessons From the Edge

Stop a minute, and listen.

OK, friends. I won't lie. I love my job.
I just hate working.
I'm having a very hard time trying to balance my time and responsibilities; trying to determine what's important and what I need to let go; trying to accept that I.cannot.do.everything.
Many people who've 'been here' tell me it takes time. I'll adjust. Everyone will adjust. And we'll all be better for it in the long run. And I'm sure that's true. But...
But sometimes I find myself wondering if it would be better for me to quit. I feel like I'm not 'good enough' to be a mom, wife, homemaker AND employee. (Who am I trying to kid? I know I am not good enough to be any single one of those things! So glad the grace of God is ENOUGH!)

Well, I had one of my bad days Sunday (read that: I was on the edge of tears all day) and when I went into work Monday, my eyes were kinda puffy and I was tired. To say I was doubting myself would be an understatement. But as I was walking around the building, God got my attention.
I saw G (another one of my favorite residents) and stopped to say 'Hello'. She gave me an update on her granddaughter, for whom we have been praying, and then she went on to tell me how glad she is that I'm working at Edgewood. She said she loves the Bible study we do. She said a bunch more things, which I won't repeat at the risk of sounding like I'm bragging. The point is - as I stood there holding G's hand, hearing her say all these wonderful, encouraging words - I had to look to heaven and ask God if He was speaking to me through that dear woman.

I believe HE was. I believe God was confirming to me that HE brought me to Edgewood. HE is working through me there. HE has a perfect plan, and this circumstance is part of it. And in the midst of all that, God convinced me again - HE is going to help me through the struggle. I am going to see HIS perfect faithfulness, if I simply trust, obey, and surrender to HIM.

Oh, what wonderful things we hear when we stop a minute, and listen.

Mom Jeans

OK, so I have this little problem. I can never find jeans which fit me the way I like. And it drives me nuts. I mean, I have jeans that are about a hundred years old which fit the way I like. But they, well, they're kind of worn out!

So after one of my recent shopping failures trips, I was sharing my woes with my husband. "Honestly! I can fit my fist in the back of each pair of jeans I try on. WHO is shaped like that??? And why can't they build a bit more leg room into jeans these days? I like them a little baggy."
At this point in the rant conversation, my daughter piped up. "Well, uh, you don't have to keep wearing 'Mom Jeans'."
"'Mom Jeans'?" I replied. "What's wrong with my jeans?"
She didn't answer. (Smart girl. *wink*)
It was Elizabeth's comment, and encouraging words from a few friends, which convinced me I probably ought to start looking for another style of jeans. But I kept hearing myself say, Low-rise, skinny jeans? Really??? However, I reasoned the low-rise option would eliminate the gaping waist issue. So I was willing to give it a try.

Fast-forward a couple weeks.

I was out shopping again and could hardly believe it when I found TWO pair of jeans that fit me well. The waist was just the way I like it. Not low-rise, and not gaping in the back. And the legs? Well, they were quite snug but I got the approval of another woman in the dressing room. And I figured, Hey, at least they don't look like my 'Mom Jeans'.
So I bought them and left the store, as happy as a kid in a candy shop.
The next day I was excited to show them to my daughter and son. (Joshua had joined Elizabeth in the 'Mom Jeans' evaluation mentioned above.) I said, "Do you like my new jeans?" as I walked the imaginary runway in the kitchen. And I received approving nods from both of them.
Had I really just crossed the line to 'with it' in my kids' eyes? This made me so happy!
But then I asked the wrong question. I said, "So, what is it that makes jeans 'Mom Jeans'? Is it the baggy legs?" They both stared at me with a look in their eyes that said, 'Duh!' and told me - No. The thing that makes 'em 'Mom Jeans' is the waist that doesn't show your underwear sits above your waist.
Oh.
Then I guess I'm still wearing 'Mom Jeans'.
But they fit me, and I like them. And my kids don't have to wear them. And I'm a Mom. So it's OK for me to wear 'Mom Jeans', right?

Besides, they really look cute. :o)

Amazing? ...Or Cheap?

You make the call!

Last week I was washing my face before I went to bed, and my husband told me I'm amazing. (And not because he was putting the moves on. *wink*) He said I was amazing because of my ability to use ALL my cleanser.

See, I started off with a tube of cleanser like this:

And now the one I'm using looks like this:
Because I did this:

You see, I squeeze and press that tube until I can't get any more cleanser out of it. But once - when I was about to throw the "empty" tube away - I thought, What if there's more in there which I just can't get to come out?
So I grabbed my scissors and cut the end off the tube. And I was shocked at how much cleanser was still in there! Seriously - like at least a week's worth.
So now, when it seems the tube is empty I cut the end off and use the cleanser that's still in the end of the tube for a couple days. Then I cut another inch or two off the end of the tube and get a couple more days of cleansing in. Finally, I make one more cut and spend another week or more using all the cleanser which is still by the opening of the tube.
Can you see all that?
Yep, that's what I do. Use my cleanser for nearly two weeks after the tube seems to be empty. All this time I simply thought I was making Grandpa Hossink proud (Those of you familiar with the stereo-type of Dutch frugality will understand. *wink*) but now I've come to discover my husband thinks I'm amazing.
Hmmm. Amazing, or cheap?
What do you think?

I Had a Choice to Make

Oh, how I love God's timing.
And His grace toward me.
Did you read last Friday's post, about stepping back and being quiet? Well, just after I finished writing it, I was getting dinner ready. And in the process of looking for the cutting board I discovered that Joshua had not unloaded the dishwasher yet that day.

Did I mention I was getting dinner ready?
This chore should have been done HOURS before.

Other times when this oversight has occurred, I have called Joshua to the kitchen and put him to work right away. But on this particular day, he was gone. So I had time to grumble think about how I was going to address him when he came home.
My first instinct was to express my frustration. I wanted to make Joshua aware that I was tired of him forgetting to do his chores. Wanted to remind him that unloading the dishwasher every morning has been his job for years, and there really is no excuse for not doing it.
I thought of lots that I could say to get my point across.

Then I thought about the blog post I'd just written.

And the wisdom of that woman who has 'been there.'

And I realized I had a choice to make.

When Joshua walked through the door I could lay into him about not doing his chores correctly. I could attack him with my words so he would never forget to unload the dishwasher again hate me. And then I could deal with the fight which would certainly ensue.

OR

I could step back and be quiet. I could tell Joshua to unload the dishwasher, and leave it at that.

I chose the latter.

Do you know what happened?
The dishwasher got unloaded. There was no yelling or slamming or broken dishes. No one got mad at another person, or raised their voice in anger. Joshua just put the dishes away, and that was that.

Sure, I want him to do his chores in a timely manner. I know he knows what's supposed to be done. But, in reflecting on my conversation with P, I realized my relationship with my son is so much more important than when the dishes get put away. And if I had to do it again, I would make the same choice.
Actually, I'm sure I'll have to do it again. Many times. And I hope I'll remember this lesson I've learned.

Whom Shall I Fear?

Lessons from the Edge

Step back and be quiet.

One of the fun things I'm doing at Edgewood involves taking a resident out for dessert. Each month I put something in the newsletter that requires a response. And everyone who responds gets their name in a drawing - with the 'prize' being that I will take them to the restaurant down the street and buy them dessert.
When I came up with this little idea, I intended for it to be something fun and special for the residents, but I'm finding that I benefit from it, too. (I mean, beyond the caramel apple cheesecake! *wink*) An hour of uninterrupted one-on-one time with a senior citizen is full of little treasures. And last week my treasure came in the form of parenting wisdom.
As I sat across the table from P asking her about her family, I learned that she had raised three sons and a daughter. I think I probably rolled my eyes when I told her I am just about to enter the teen years with my first son. And I'm a little lot scared.
With a voice full of wisdom and experience P simply told me to step back and be quiet. She understood my propensity to want to nag talk to my son until he 'gets it', but she assured me I will experience a lot more peace in my relationship with him if I go against my instincts.
I'm learning more and more to value the wisdom of those who have "been there" and as I listened to P sharing these words with me, I knew she was giving sage advice.

*big sigh*

Joshua will be 13 in just six days. I'm gearing myself up to face these years with courage, and the wisdom of those who have gone before me. And - besides prayer - I think my main M.O. will be to Step back and be quiet.

Home, Sweet Home

*************
And the winners are (from yesterday's give-away):
The 2011 Dream Calendar goes to Sara.
The Kathy Troccoli CD goes to KM. (And, yes, I will hand deliver it! *grin*)

And, now, back to our regularly scheduled post...
*************
Christmas time this year meant traveling for my family. The weekend before Christmas we were with my husband's family, and we spent the days prior to Christmas up north with my family.
It was so much fun getting together with everyone. My sister and her family - who live in North Carolina - were there. And my little brother (I love calling him that!) and his fiancée - who live in Boston - were there. As well as the rest of the family - who live in Michigan, but who I still don't get to see as often as I'd like. We played games, ate good food, laughed a lot, reminisced, and cried some, too.
However, even though I was glad for the good times, I was sooooo glad to get back home. My own place. My own schedule. My own shower. My own bed! (I'm sorry, but some sofa-beds just should not be allowed to be called a bed. *groan*)
It just felt good to be in my Home, Sweet Home.

Have you ever longed for Home?
And now I'm talking about heaven - our eternal Home.
This thing I went through over Christmas reminded me that - while my bed is comfy - my REAL home is not on this earth. Although there is much joy to be had right here - unspeakable joy awaits me in my REAL Home.
And I find my heart longing for that Day.
For that Reunion.
For Home, sweet Home.

I'm smiling as I think about it, and I hope you can take some time to anticipate it, too.

'G' is for Give-away!

Do you have a 2011 calendar yet?
If not, then I have one for you. (Or you can click here to buy your own Dream Calendar!) When I bought my Dream Calendar, I actually bought two - because I wanted to give one away here on my blog.
Soooooo, if you would like this calendar, just leave me a comment saying so.

Now this next thing is more like re-gifting than a true give-away. But I think you'll be OK with that, right? *wink*
See, last month I got an email from Kathy Troccoli. (OK, it wasn't really from her, but it's fun to say that. *grin*) The email was an offer for three of her CDs for Christmas. I already had one of them, but I wanted the other two. So I dropped a very obvious hint to my dear husband, and guess what I got for Christmas???
Well, I really don't need this CD because I already have it. So, I'm re-gifting it giving it away.
Would you like it? (Silly question. You're going to LOVE IT.) Just say so in the comments.

I'll pick a winner before I go to bed tonight (10pm EST if all goes well.) and will announce the winner tomorrow morning. Please be sure to leave your email address if it isn't automatically linked to your comment. Thanks!

La, la, la. I'm NOT Listening!

If you read the title of this post and are concerned that I may be falling back to childish ways of communicating, fear not!
My statement of protest is aimed at my enemy, the Devil, and no one else.
You see - although I didn't realize it at the time - a couple of weekends ago I listened to his lies, and I have since determined NOT to listen to him anymore.

We had gathered together with my husband's side of the family to celebrate Christmas when it happened. When I found myself in a downward spiral of thoughts which said I'm not good enough and I'll never measure up.
Throughout the weekend, I frequently excused myself so I could go into the bathroom and cry. And I hardly spoke to anyone. (Because when I'm in that state of mind? Whenever I talk, I start crying. Yeah. I'm pathetic. *sigh*)
When we got home I finally let it out and told my husband - through tears, of course - what had been going on inside of me. Shortly after that, our small group came over and I poured out my heart to them, too.

What a blessing it is to have godly friends who HE uses to speak truth to us!

One friend said it sounded to her like Satan had been feeding me lies all weekend. As they prayed for me, another friend mentioned Satan's tactics for taking us out of commission - and asked God to protect me. And when the prayer time was over, Brian said he realized that's just what had happened - Satan had taken me out that weekend.
He is my enemy, he has studied my weaknesses, he knew right where to hit me, and it worked.
Because I listened.

BUT...

I'm NOT listening anymore!

Been carrying this around in my pocket lately, and whenever my enemy tries to attack, I'm fighting back with the TRUTH.

My flesh and my heart may fail, but God is the strength of my heart and my portion forever.

Psalm 73:26

How about you?
Are you listening to lies, or rehearsing the Truth?
Let's hold fast to our Savior, and listen to HIM only.

P.S. Be sure to stop by tomorrow. I have a couple of items I'm giving away. *grin*

Hiding HIS WORD in my Heart